041. Releasing Resentment

I’d like to give recognition and thanks to a man by the name of Robert Russell for some of the very good thoughts in this message today. -----

Here’s a strong statement for us to begin with …

P1     If we don’t forgive others, it will destroy us!

Our message today is titled ….

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PP2 Releasing  Resentment

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Releasing, or getting rid of, resentment.     Well what’s resentment?

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The dictionary says …

pp       Resentment – A bitter feeling of displeasure and indignation, from a sense of being injured or offended.

Friends, if it’s necessary, I want you to make some big changes in your life, starting from today.

-----   I want to begin with a story from the book of Samuel in the Bible.

It may have been King David's lowest moment.  His own son Absalom was leading a revolution against him.  Absalom was a charmer and had convinced many of the people that David his father was too old and ineffective to lead the kingdom.  When Absalom stormed the city with his troops, David and his army left Jerusalem and left the palace vacant.  David decided he would rather be humiliated in retreat than to be involved in a bloody civil war against his own son.

What a horrendous moment this must have been for Israel's most celebrated king.  On the way out of Jerusalem, David must have thought:  It can't get any worse than this.  But it did.  A commoner by the name of Shimei taunted David as he fled the city.  Shimei stood on a hillside throwing clods of dirt and stones at the king and cursing him, saying, "God is finally getting even with you for what you did to King Saul, you bloody traitor!"

One of David's men snarled, "Let me go up and cut off that impudent coward’s head with a sword."  David's response was incredible.  He said, "No. Don't kill him. Let him go.”

 If that were the end of the story, we would hail David as a great man—how great was David to forgive such an offence.   Well, David was a great man, but that's not the end of the story.  …

PP    The memory of that offence must have festered in David's mind for years.  

On his deathbed, about ten years later in 1 Kings 2:8, David spoke his final words to his son, Solomon ------  and he said ….

PP    1 Kings 2:8

"Remember you have with you Shimei, son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. --- When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the Lord: 'I will not put you to death by the sword.'   But now, do not consider him innocent. You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him.  Bring his grey head down to the grave in blood."

Those were the last recorded words of King David.

So that story introduces us to …

PP1      The problem of resentment 

The apostle Paul says in …

PP2     1 Corinthians 13:5   "Love does not keep a record of wrongs." 

That is an accounting term. It's the term for entering an item into a ledger so that it will not be forgotten. Paul is saying, love does not keep a ledger of offenses. Love does not build up indebtedness. Love doesn't harbor a grudge. 

PP    That's exactly what many people do. They nurse their unforgiveness to keep it warm. They brood over the wrong things that people have done to them, until it's impossible to forget them.

Like David leaving Jerusalem, most of us have had a Shimei, hurling insults and wounding us from the sidelines. Some of you can remember childish insults said on the playground.  Maybe you were a good scholar, but you'll never forget how the athletes made fun of your lack of athletic ability.  Or maybe you have a good personality, but you'll never forget somebody making fun of your physical appearance.  It's amazing how we can recall almost verbatim some things that were said to us as children.  They're like video tapes replaying in our minds.

Some of you were hurt by teachers or coaches or counselors in school years ago, and you have never forgotten.

PP    Hurts from the past can stay in our minds forever. ----  Instead of letting the wound gradually heal, leaving a slight scar, resentment keeps picking the scab and putting the video tape back in to watch it again and again and again. We keep a record of the wrong, and we keep underscoring it in the ledger. 

----  Some of you encountered a Shimei in your own home. Maybe you were wounded by an alcoholic father who terrified you, or by an inconsistent mother. There are husbands and wives who live under the same roof but rarely speak to each other because resentment has built up over the years. Maybe you were cheated out of money or a position at work. It's easy to let resentment toward the offender build over a period of time.

PP     Resentment destroys relationships. 

Some of you might be so bitter over the Shimei in your life, you won't speak to him or have anything to do with him even though he is a close relative or you see him frequently.  You're going to take your pride or your alienation to the grave with you.  It even alienates you sometimes from close friends.  If you've ever had a relative or friend go through a divorce, you know the tendency to divide into camps.  In order to be a friend to somebody, you must be an enemy of their enemies.

Resentment alienates you from people because it destroys your personality.  ----  I don't know many great things that Buddha said, but this one thing he said was very good. He said that …

PP   “Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal in our hands with the intention of throwing it at someone.  But we're the ones who get burned.”

Resentment is emotional suicide.  It's self-inflicting because it destroys the personality.  Maybe you withdraw into a shell and become very protective, planning never to allow yourself to get close to somebody again because it hurts. ---- You are - the loser. You become vengeful, joyless, negative, and bitter.  …

PP     Proverbs 17:22    (says,)    "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." 

There are minority groups and individuals who have become resentful and angry.  Although they have legitimate hurts, they are so bitter in expressing and vocalizing, that people don't listen.

Martin Luther once was so depressed over a prolonged period that one day his wife came downstairs wearing all black.  Martin Luther said, "Who died?"  She said, "God has."  He said, "God hasn't died." And she said, "Well, live like it and act like it."  ----

----- In The Living Bible, Job 5:2 reads, …

PP  "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do."    Job 5:2

------   Well, is there a prototype or pattern for forgiveness?  -----   We’ll put that up …

PP       A prototype for forgiveness

In John 21, there's a marvelous prototype for forgiveness.  Jesus was wounded by Simon Peter.  On that chaotic, pressure-filled night when Jesus was arrested, everything came unraveled.  Peter was loyal to Jesus for a while. ----- Concealing his identity, Peter followed Jesus right into the courtyard of the high priest.  But in that hostile environment, somebody looked at Peter and accused him of being a follower of Jesus, and Peter immediately said, "Oh no; not me!"

Three times Simon Peter was accused.  Three times every eye was on him, and three times he impulsively said, “I’m not one of His disciples – not me!  I don’t know Him!” 

The third time he underscored it with an oath. -----  During that final denial, Jesus was being escorted away and …

PP    Luke 22:61,62 (says,)

"The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.  Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him. ...  And he went outside and wept bitterly."

Peter felt terrible about denying Jesus, but the denial hurt Jesus too.  It hurt Him at a time when He needed the support of His friends. That emotional wound may have hurt more deeply than some of the physical wounds from the scourge that He was already beginning to experience.

I want you to see how Jesus dealt with that hurt.  After He rose from the grave, He appeared to Simon Peter personally and asked him in …

PP1    John 21:15

"Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these other disciples?"

I think he was subtly reminding Peter of his earlier boast that he would never deny Jesus even if the others did. 

Simon Peter said,…

PP2    "Yes, Lord, you know that I love You." 

Jesus said, "Feed My lambs."

A little later Jesus asked a second time, …

PP3    "Simon, do you truly love Me?"

Peter said, …

PP4    "Yes, Lord. You know that I love You."

Jesus said, "Feed My sheep."

A third time He said, …

PP5     "Simon, son of John, do you really love Me?" 

I wonder if Jesus asked him three times to give him an opportunity to affirm his love three times because Peter had denied Jesus three times.  But the Bible says that Peter was a bit hurt because Jesus asked him a third time.

Peter said, …

PP6   "Lord, you know all things. You know that I love You."

Jesus said,…

PP7    "All right, feed My sheep. Follow Me."

PP    Peter had denied Jesus, but Jesus loved Him just the same.  Jesus didn't keep a record of wrongs. 

-----  Now friends, …

 PP1     The prescription for healing

From this Biblical example, I want us to see a prescription, for healing from resentment. …

PP2    The very best prescription for any ill is prevention. 

Stop it before it happens.  Don't allow yourself to be resentful.  The Bible says that God buries our sins in the deepest sea and doesn’t remember them anymore.  ----  We probably can't forget as fast as God does because we’re not God.  It takes a while for us to forget.  But we can deal with it, and then bury the past.  ----

Jesus didn't bring up Peter's past offenses. …

PP3   Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs. 

And if we're going to get along with people, the best way to overcome resentment is to not let resentment happen.  When somebody hurts you, just bury it and go on. …

PP4   Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. 

Don't get your feelings hurt easily.  Just forget it and go on.  Don’t dwell on the stuff otherwise it will grow.  ----

----  About forty or fifty years ago I heard this very valuable statement …

PP1     Problems, like babies, grow larger by nursing.

Peter once asked how often he should forgive a man—seven times? ------   Jesus said, "seventy times seven." In other words, forgiveness is just a continual attitude in our lives. …

PP2    We realize that people are people so don't let resentment build.

But what about wounds from the past so deep you just can't overcome them? You're struggling with bitterness and resentment. What do you do? 

PP1     The first thing you have to do is to admit the problem. 

Jesus confronted Peter with the issue. You will never be released from resentment if you deny it's there.  Rick Warren had a slogan … 

PP2     ‘Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.’ --

 Don't deny resentful feelings.

Admitting your feeling is the beginning of healing. 

In the Good News Bible,  we read in Job 7:11 …

PP1     Job 7:11 GNB  “No!  I can’t be quiet!  I am angry and bitter.  I have to speak.” 

I think that means you find a close friend who you trust and say, …

PP2    "I don't need a lot of advice. I just want to tell you about some of the bitterness I've been feeling, and I want you to pray for me." 

You admit the problem.  ----

PP1    The second thing we can do is decide to forgive. 

Some people say, …

PP2    "I don't feel like forgiving. I don't want to hear about forgiving because I can't forgive." 

Friends, it's not a matter of feeling.  It's a matter of obedience to the Lord's command.  It’s not a formula of “Three strikes and you’re out.”  It’s harder than that.  But with God’s help we can do it.  Do what?  “Forgive seventy times seven,” Jesus said.

Harry Emerson Fosdick said that when he was a boy he overheard a conversation between his dad and mother at the breakfast table. He heard his dad say, "Tell Harry he can mow the grass today if he feels like it." As his father left, he heard him call back, "Tell Harry he'd better feel like it."  

  Forgiveness is not a matter of whether you feel like it or not. It's a matter of a command from our heavenly Father.

Mark 11:25 records these words from Jesus… 

PP   Mark 11:25    "When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." 

Friends, forgiveness is not an option; it's a command.  I doubt if Jesus felt like going to the cross, but He did it because He was obedient to the Father even unto death.  -----

------   Right in the middle of the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says that God will forgive us for our sins, to the extent that we forgive others who have sinned against us. ----

-----   By the way, remember the question Jesus asked the helpless paralytic at the pool of Bethesda?  The man had been paralyzed for 38 years, and Jesus asked him, …

PP    "Do you want to get well?"

I would ask some of you who have allowed resentment and bitterness to fester for a long time: Do you want to get well?  ----  Or do you really like nursing that grudge and feeling sorry for yourself and getting attention?    Do you really want to get well?   If so,  you will forgive.

That’s more than just an interesting thought.  The psychologists tell us that when we release our resentment and forgive, many of our mental and physical sicknesses heal. ------------

 PP1      A third thing we can do is take the initiative. 

Sometimes when we've been wounded, we sit back and wait and pray that the person who really hurt us will come and fall at our feet and beg for forgiveness.  Then we'll forgive them.  But that seldom happens.  Most of the time, if we are resentful, we have to determine to forgive and take the initiative ourselves.

PP2      Matthew 18:15 (says,)

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." 

Go tactfully, but take the initiative.  And if you choose not to go, then don’t let it build up and eat you up.  Forgive in your heart. ----

So, …

PP1     Fourth: release the offender. 

PP2      Romans 12:19 GNB (says), 

"Never take revenge, my friends, but instead let God’s anger do it.  For the scripture says, ‘I will take revenge.  I will pay back’, says the Lord.”
 
And when you begin to forgive, you say, "God, I turn this person over to you."  You're not saying they didn't hurt you or that you were in the wrong.  You're saying you're not the judge or the executioner.  You're saying, "Lord, I'm going to trust that any vengeance will be taken by You." 

You know friends, people are human aren’t they – even in the Bible. ---  Listen to this statement by King David.

 In Psalm 109, King David really struggled with resentment.  He said,  

PP   Psalm 109

"O God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, for wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. ...
Appoint an evil man to oppose him; let an accuser stand at his right hand. ... May his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow. May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes. May a creditor seize all he has;  may strangers plunder the fruits of his labour." 

Well, aren't you glad King David was a man of prayer!  See what he's doing?  He's telling God he's bitter and admits it.  He's going to release it to God, but he is giving God some suggestions about how to get even.  He shouldn’t have even been doing that.  That’s God’s job. ----

Billy Graham’s wife Ruth said it was a great day in her life when she realized it was not her job to change her husband.  She said, "It was my job to love Billy and God's job to change him."  ----   Friends it's not your assignment to make somebody pay.  Your assignment is to  release the offender to God.  ----

Now, ….

PP1    Fifth, focus on the future. 

It’s very important to occasionally look in the rearview mirror of your car.  ---  In the same way there’s value in analyzing and reviewing your past.  But there's a time to get your eyes off the rearview mirror and back onto the road ahead. That's why the Bible says in Hebrews 12:15,…

PP2     Hebrews 12:15  "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to trouble and defile many." 

Don’t just keep looking in the rear view mirror or you just might kill yourself.  -----  

PP   That was our opening statement at the beginning.

“If we don’t forgive others, it will destroy us!”

Friends, believe that forgiveness is possible.  Believe that through the power of God’s Spirit working in your life, that forgiveness can take place. ------

----------  So, in summing up, here are the five points. …

PP1     The first thing we have to do is to admit the problem.

PP2     The second thing we have do is decide to forgive.

PP3     A third thing we can do is take the initiative.

PP4     Fourth, release the offender.

PP5     Fifth, focus on the future.

One or two of you here today may be saying to yourself, "This is so much theory. You don't understand how deeply I've been hurt. You don't understand how those roots are so entangled. It's impossible to reconcile in my life. You haven’t been hurt like I have."

Probably not.  But I can point to others who have been hurt as badly as you or maybe worse, and they've managed to forgive.  How about you?   

PP1    Do you really want to get well? 

----  In one of the prisons, I learned about Paul Stevens.  Years ago, Paul Stevens' daughter was stabbed to death by a neighbor.  Paul Stevens spent nearly ten years tortured by the memory of his daughter's killer.  A year after it happened, the memories proved so hard to bear that Stevens moved his family to a new home in a new area.  Then, after seven years behind bars, his daughter's killer was released.  Stevens' hatred twisted his psyche.  "At that time, I wanted to see that man dead," Stevens said.

Nine years after the murder, Stevens tried something radical.  At a religious retreat, he finally grasped that his hate couldn't restore his daughter.  He vowed to overcome the tragedy and devote his time to working with violent criminals.  Since that time, Stevens has spent two days each week working as a counselor and lay minister at a maximum security prison.  These prisoners have become his close friends.

The prisoners said they could never have been led to Christ except by this man who had such compassionate understanding.  Stevens said that treating violent criminals as human beings has helped him lose his hatred and made him a happier person. ----

----In conclusion, if he could forgive that, then you can forgive however you've been hurt.  ----  If Joseph could forgive his brothers for selling him as a slave into Egypt, if Corrie Ten Boom could forgive a Nazi prison guard who tortured her and murdered her family, if Jesus Christ could forgive you for everything that you have done against Him, then you, with His power, with His strength, have the capacity to forgive those who have offended you.

  Will you begin today?    

PP2      Who will you start with?        -------

Friends, I want you to be free.  Please friends, right now, pray quietly for a little while, asking God to release your resentment.  And then pray for the person who has hurt you, that God will save that person too.  Both of you!  Thank you.  

(30 second pause)

Friend, if you have been blessed and challenged by this message, 

then please take time now to send it on to your friends.     

To God be the Glory!

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